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If it is peace, love, and respect that
you are trying to instil in your wedding vows then this
is difficult to do where the Priest has to explain and
filter this through noise. So perhaps a quieter environment
is of importance.
I don't think that people understand that young people
today have grown up in a different period requiring
a different level of engagement; for one thing it is
extremely difficult to concentrate in a noisy environment.
Practising total silence throughout the wedding is equally
very difficult; children will play, and people will
talk but generally if a peaceful environment can be
maintained this is within our gift.
But in planning a quiet wedding you must also consider
your venue, its acoustics and the music played in the
background.
Of course we should not forget our culture and there
are wonderful meanings within some of our traditional
wedding songs. And there is something quite beautiful
in the traditions of Indian women singing wedding folk
songs if they can sing well. If they can't sing well
my advice is, we need to try and encourage them to understand,
but we must never offend people.
Then what music really gives serenity to a wedding?
This is something I am often asked. Put simply, it is
music that is simple and instrumental, it can be Indian
as well as Western music that achieves this goal, but
you must like the music. So listen to the music thoroughly
that you want to play through your service.
There is a tremendous expectation upon the Preacher
to "control" the crowd. Having provided a
service, I feel this expectation can sometimes be rather
unfair. As a Human Being I can only control my own attitude
and behaviour; I can perhaps influence the behaviour
of others, but I cannot control others, nor should I
be expected to do so.
Guests should consider the purpose of their attendance
at a wedding. Of course my view is simple, we are there
for the bride, the groom and the parents; we are there
to celebrate the coming together in marriage of two
individuals. And we can do this with a little respect
for the couple. However, other people believe weddings
are for socialising, and to an extent this is true.
A Preacher that demands silence can come across as "rude"
and "arrogant" and guests do not expect the
Preacher to behave instructively. There are many ways
to make a wedding a serene experience. Guests perhaps
can be clear on what is expected of them. So how can
we all achieve this?
Simple things like ensuring there are enough seats for
everyone, and separating the Dining area from the Wedding
area can all actually make a difference. Planning is
critical, especially for an Indian wedding.
Ushering guests who are standing and directing them
to Chairs is an equal consideration. And finally numbers,
a sore point, but you have to ask yourselves if you
invite anywhere between 500+ guests then you must also
expect a level of societal noise.
As we move forwards into a generation that seeks questions,
and that wants to attain some spirituality for a short
time, on their wedding day, where spirituality is important,
then we as people attending the wedding can do our part
in making this journey a spiritual one.
In Hinduism there should be no colour, no status or
cultural caste system dictating who is at the top and
who is at the bottom of the structure. We are all equal
in my eyes, but I am all too aware that society doesn't
practise this equality.
Everyone is equal in the eyes of good. God forbid the
belief in untouchability, for there is no such thing.
Either we are Humane or we are not, either we are equal
or we are not. Simple.
Hence marriage is a personal choice between people and
I am often asked about mixed marriages. Are they acceptable?
The fact is some Indian people will marry Indian people
and some will marry non Indian people, but all these
people have one thing in common, the soul, that special
spark in each and everyone one; for love has no colour
nor divide. So my answer to the acceptability of mixed
marriages is simple. It's Ok.
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